


Constant

by TheMadHatterOfficial



Series: As the Tides Recede [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Canon Compliant, Loyal Zuko, Mental Hospital, Mentally ill Azula, Post War, Zuko loves Azula so much it's not funny, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-23 22:29:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14942555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMadHatterOfficial/pseuds/TheMadHatterOfficial
Summary: Azula reflects on her relationship with her big brother.





	Constant

Things were different, when they were little. Simpler.

There was Mom. Mom never liked Azula. She was always in her rooms, leaving her daughter to whoever was in attendance whilst she did whatever caught her attention. Usually her husband, or her son. It used to make Azula sad, confused, angry. She wanted her mother to love her like she loved everyone else. But at one point, Azula stopped caring.

There was Father. Azula didn’t know she had a father until well after she was fluent enough in speech to carry a conversation. She knew Ozai, the man who walked around in scary red robes and always looked angry. The two had never spoken until he’d seen Azula practicing her katas in the courtyard, well further along in her training than any of the other children years her senior. It was then that he had given her a slick smile and clasped his hand on her shoulder just a little too tightly. But Azula was just too thrilled by the unashamed attention she was finally getting.

There was Uncle, who was much the same as Ursa and Ozai. He had barely registered on her radar, but the rare moments he did, he was completely absorbed in his nephew and son. He was never rude to Azula, but he was never kind.

And there was Zuko. Her brother with a bleeding heart and a need to prove himself worse than Azula. But he always had a quick tongue, and a quicker smile to offer to anyone who wanted it. He was the first solid constant in Azula’s life. She remembered, as a baby him dressing and feeding her, taking her out into the gardens to feed the turtle ducklings. Much of the time the nursemaids were never called to take care of Azula, and without her parents much caring about what happened to her in any capacity, Zuko stepped up to the plate. He was there for Azula’s first words, her first steps, brushing her hair and humming lullabies at night. She had lived in his room since she was a few months old until she was about five. When Ozai decided that the princess of the Fire Nation was too old for such childish things.

Over the years, Azula and Zuko drifted further and further apart. Even after staying in her own room, she still snuck out nearly every night to curl into her brother’s side where she felt safe. Even when the competition between them grew, Ozai and Ursa pitting them against one another, every night they spent together without mentioning what passed between them that day. And Zuko - sweet, compassionate, doting big brother Zuko - never said a word about it to anyone. Likely, they would have separated them further.

When Azula was almost ten, the visits were more infrequent. They slowed steadily until they stopped completely by her birthday.

No matter how much Azula missed him, she didn't go back. Love was a weakness that she couldn’t afford. Zuko was her weakness. Always had been. Should she want to get anywhere, she would have to let him go. Cut him out.

So she did.

It was when the lock of her room in the hospital clicks that she looked up from her bed. Seeing the child she had once known before her as a man was surreal right now. Seeing him dressed in the regalia her abuser had worn every day of his life was even worse.

But it was different. So different. The burnt skin around his eye crinkled as his eyebrow lowered over his right side, trying so hard to stay stoic. But Azula saw the fire in his mismatched eyes, soft compassion and concern and guarded fear warring. But not fear _of_ her. Not anymore. Fear _for_ her. It had been years since he’d put her in this hospital, and every week he came back on the same day, at the same time. At first, he’d tried to smile. It was pained and had made Azula laugh. She screamed and screamed and spat fire and spit in his face. But he never stopped.

For the first time in forever, she really looked at him. His hair was long, touching the middle of his back. He wasn’t in armor and he wasn’t wearing his hairpiece or his swords. He was at a good distance in case she roared blue flames, but wasn’t polar bear-puppy guarding the door like he’d run if she twitched wrong.

“Mai’s pregnant.”

Azula didn’t twitch.

She’d known they were married. He talked to her every visit, but never touched. He’d done so once, when she was crying in hysterics, and after she had bit into his bicep hard enough to need stitches.

Azula could see it. He would be an amazing father. Gentle forehead kisses and encouraging smiles, brushing her hair back and teaching her how to swim on Ember Island like he’d done for her.

Azula could see it.

And _Spirits_ , she missed her big brother.

Missed those small smiles he used to reserve for her. Sneaking out into the town to run around like kids without the weight of the world on their shoulders. And she wanted that back.

There was no way he would trust her immediately. Oh, Azula knew he loved her. That was one of the incredibly rare things that she never doubted. She had Zuko’s undying love and affection, no matter what she did.

There was no way Azula could immediately jump headlong into family. Not after her mind became all jumbled and a mess of unstable nerves on a hair trigger. Not with a family made up of people she had manipulated and abused and hurt beyond recognition. No, she had caused too much pain for that.

But maybe…

Maybe she could repent. Maybe she could earn forgiveness. Looking into her brother’s eyes, she could see it. He wanted this too. It was within reach.

Small. She could start small.

“I hope it’s a girl.”

Zuko’s golden irises shot up to look into Azula’s. Shock, excitement. His eyes had been brighter these past years than they had ever been when they were kids. And she was receiving the full brunt of that now.

“You were always so good with girls.”

Silence reigned for nearly a full minute. Long enough for Azula’s mind to begin to spiral. Maybe she’d read the situation wrong, maybe he didn’t actually care, _Agni_ she looked like a damn fucking _fool-_

“A girl would be nice.”


End file.
